Today ended up being one of those days where I find myself restless and bored…with everything. My job isn’t stimulating enough; my life is satisfying enough; my relationships aren’t fulfilling enough…
I don’t know if this is standard fare; a necessary and expected burden of human existence. I know that it’s a feeling that plagues me on a fairly regular basis. Does anyone else battle these same feelings? I question whether it is good – a catalyst to propel me to the next level – or bad – a reminder that I haven’t come as far as I thought I had. I find myself shunning convention: what’s so great about an 8-to-5 existence? What if I don’t want to hang stockings or eat ham or do anything else anyone expects me to do?
It’s not realistic to expect to experience peace 24/7, right? Is that a limitation I’ve placed on myself? What does it take, what feats do I have to achieve, what dragons must I slay to experience perpetual peace?
I want to live fearlessly, with abandon…yet I don’t know how. That’s not true: I do know how. I can live with abandon if I don’t give in to fear; if I don’t listen to that aggravating little voice saying, “what if…” Wow. That sounds so easy.
How do I start? Do I start by telling Chris that I am in love with him? Yes, sometimes I am afraid, but I want to love you anyway…
Do I start by refusing to accept average, ho hum, status quo? By finding my voice and letting it out?! I don’t have to express to be accepted, to find fame, to be loved, but simply because I have something to say…
Do I start by forging my own path, free from the need to receive the approval of others? I believe, yes. But I don’t believe everything you believe. I don’t think I need someone else to tell me what I believe. I’m finding my own way, and I like where I’m headed…
I believe that peace is mine. I feel it now…thank you for returning to me. Or should I apologize, rather, for turning my back on you? Life is good. The universe is an abundant provider to those that seek something more. I’m seeking more. And I can’t wait to see what I find.
Peace
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