Have a nice trip

There was a time that I wanted to believe that I only had to learn a lesson one time.  After I had mastered it - whatever 'it' was - I could wipe my hands of it and move on.  If only life worked that way!  I am reminded once again that part of the human journey is to trip and fall, often times tripping over the same old things, getting up, dusting yourself off, and continuing on.  However, it's what you do once you get up that determines whether or not you will trip again - or, if tripping is inevitable, how hard you will fall the next time you trip.

We always have choices in the way we respond to life.  We like to pretend that we have some control over the way events unfold, but most often, that is not the case.  As I'm reading now in The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer, life is constantly happening, regardless of what we think about it, how we choose to show up, and whether we like it or not. 

That being said, life basically boils down to three choices: 1) accept circumstances with gratitude; 2) reject circumstances, yet do nothing; 3) reject circumstances and work to change them.  So, when we trip and fall, we can:

• Curse whatever caused us to fall, without being present to the fact that we can make a different choice going forward, and wait till we inevitably trip over it again
• Curse whatever caused us to fall, and try a new approach going forward to help avoid tripping again
• Bless whatever caused us to fall as necessary for our growth, and try a new approach going forward to help avoid tripping again

I'm not implying that this is easy, but I am saying that the choice is always ours, and ours alone.

I have been through many ups and downs, like everyone else on the planet, and I naively (or egotistically) thought that once I had conquered my inner demons, I was done and would live a blissful, enlightened life from there on out.  (Feel free to laugh out loud on that one!)  Not that I haven't been making continual effort to grow and improve - I have - yet I failed to acknowledge that my patterns and beliefs were implanted a very long time ago, and very firmly.  Without deliberate attention, it's very easy for these old ways of being to creep back into our daily routines, just like weeds take over a garden without constant care.

For me, it played out like this: stressful, demanding job led to long hours, which led to self-neglect.  Good eating and exercise habits fell to the wayside, peace of mind gone like the wind.  Dis-ease, unhappiness, lack of gratitude and fulfillment took the place of confidence, happiness, trust that life is unfolding for my highest good.

I'm at a crossroads (again!), where I can accept my circumstances as they are, thank them for reminding me of what is truly important, forgive myself for being human and tripping, and redirect my actions right here and right now.  Or I can curse myself, curse my circumstances, and continue to live a miserable, unfulfilled life.

I choose the high road, please, with gratitude to God for reminding me that I always have a choice, that anything worth having takes time and daily commitment to achieving, and for the fact that I am not alone on this journey.   I would like to renew my vows to myself that I will very intentionally nourish myself by:

• Living a healthy lifestyle
• Getting enough sleep
• Filling my mind with positive thoughts and ideas
• Unplugging from TV, Facebook, other electronic distractions
• Meditating to reconnect with my essence and true passions
• Saying no when necessary
• Spending as much time as practical in ways that bring me joy
• Forgiving myself when I trip and loving myself wholly and completely

It's not over till it's over...so until that day comes, be kind to yourself when you trip and fall, be intentional about the steps you take, and keep moving forward.

Embracing the cold

I love fall.  The reprieve from summer’s heat, the glorious colors of changing leaves – Mother Nature beckoning us to leave the comfort of our climate-controlled rooms and enjoy her majesty.  Yet there is a part of me that shrinks in sadness at autumn’s return.  The coolness in the air that refreshes my being also sends a chill to the loneliest depths of my soul.  For just beyond fall is winter, the coldest, most isolated season of the year.  A time that frequently invokes feelings of emptiness and sadness, making many people wish they could ride out these bitter months in hibernation.

Since the arrival of winter is assured, what must we do to make the most of it (or any lonely season)?  How do we face the inevitable winter with courage and resolve rather than depression and fear?  By embracing each season of life and being determined to live fully.  By accepting that our journey is ours alone and claiming it for ourselves.  In this moment, we can find liberation or fear.  We can be afraid of taking responsibility for our own happiness and fulfillment, or we can see the true power we have been given, own it, wield it, and create a beautiful, meaningful life of purpose. 

As the seasons grow colder, we can choose to hide under a blanket and wait for the rebirth of spring, or we can embrace the cold and choose to grow.  The only requirement is to be a willing, curious student, determined to learn and expand through trial and error.  And like everything else in life, we must recognize that it is an ongoing process.  For every three steps forward, we may take one back, and that is okay as long as we continue moving forward.  Here are my thoughts as to how we get started in the process of creating a meaningful existence in any season.

v  By getting rid of distractions.  (This is a big one for me.)  It’s so easy to be distracted by meaningless things…the new fall television season; working too much; our smart phones, which constantly notify us of every new email, Facebook post, etc.   Each one of us can choose to shut off the television, realize that our workplaces won’t collapse if we leave at a decent time, break the bondage to our phones and decide only to check it a few times a day.

v  By being intentional.  We all have some free time (no matter how limited) that we can choose to spend as we see fit.  Ask yourself how you can make the most of this time.  Do you want to waste it on mindless activity or do you want to engage in something that speaks to your heart and soul?

v  By asking yourself what you really want out of life.  Do you want to travel?  Spend more time with your family? Help others?  Make a short list of the things that matter most, and then figure out what small steps you can start taking to achieve them.  Here is where it can get tricky.  We live in a world of instant gratification, and many of us (myself included) have a tendency to give up when we don’t get where we want to be immediately.  This is when we have to develop the fortitude and discipline required to have success over the long haul.  We have to make a commitment to ourselves not to give up and take the easy road, because ultimately, we pay the price by living a mediocre, unfulfilled life.

Each season of the year – and of life – brings new opportunity and challenges.  Look for the beauty in each season, embrace it, accept it for what it is and seek to live in harmony.  We must experience the disparity of winter and summer, loneliness and intimacy, joy and pain, in order to be whole.

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.” Anne Bradstreet , British poet (1612-1672)

“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. “ Jim Rohn

The truth

Today, I take the stand in the courtroom of my soul.  My authentic self solemnly swears to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth: I've been really depressed these last few weeks.  Not the old run-of-the-mill I've got the blues depressed, but the why am I here? depressed.  And it's been plaguing me.  Yes, I know I miss Chris, but that's not the root cause.  Yes, I know I'm exhausted from working a lot of OT at the nine-to-whenever, but that's not it, either.  What is the issue??

It hit me this evening.  And it wasn't pleasant.  (I find that being honest with myself often hurts a little, but only because my eyes needed to be opened!)  My sources of validation have failed.  My relationship ended.  Distance has given me the ability to see it (and him) in the brighter light of reality.  The honeymoon at my job is over.  I've been disappointed.  It's not exactly what I thought it would be.  Ick.

The real problem isn't that people, jobs and relationships are imperfect, because we are imperfect beings living in an imperfect world.  The problem is that I have allowed things outside of myself to determine my worth, my value as a person.  Ouch!  Didn't I learn this lesson already?  Come on! 

Yet, I have to get over my frustration and realize that, I, too, am imperfect.  Though I wish that I was always able to learn my lessons on the first (or second, or sometimes fifth) go 'round, I often have to repeat my errors many times until it finally sinks in.

Happiness, peace and joy don't come from another person.  They don't come from a job.  I believe that happiness, peace and joy (and probably a few other wonderful things) come from having a purpose.  Answering a calling.  Whatever you want to call it.

Finding our purpose is what drives many of us.  It's the reason we ask, "Isn't there more to life than this??"  Yes, there is!  I am convinced.  But it doesn't always walk up and smack us in the face.  It takes honesty, and the courage to look beyond your pain.  Not seeking quick-fixes to cover up the pain, but truly taking time to ask yourself the right questions and then taking time to listen to your inner voice for the answers.

I have a pretty good idea of my purpose, but it's not something that I can do 24/7 right now.  It's not going to pay the bills...yet.  Regardless, I cannot give up on pursuing it as often as I can, in as many ways as I can.  I've found that when I take one tiny step, God takes several big ones.  So I'm going to identify where I can take those steps, and rely on God for the rest.  In the meantime, I'm going to accept life's imperfections, refusing to let them bring me down.

That's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God!

A call to consciousness

Wisdom often shows up unexpectedly, especially when you're not looking for it.  A prime example took place this morning: Wisdom showed up out of the blue as I was getting ready for work.  I had closed the bathroom door just before hopping in the shower, consequently shutting Kitty in the bathroom with me.  Kitty, given name Oreo, aka "Fussbuckets", very much enjoys her freedom.  She does not like being locked up in any room, which she makes perfectly clear whenever it should happen (thus earning the "Fussbuckets" nickname!).

As soon as Kitty realized that she was now a prisoner, being held hostage by my evil self, she began to wail.  And wail.  In an attempt to soothe her, I began to explain that her entrapment was only temporary, that I would be finished soon, yadda yadda yadda.  (I know I'm not the only one that tries to reason with my animals...right?!)  In the midst of pleading my case to Kitty, I said something like this: "I know it seems permanent, Kitty, but really, the door will be open momentarily.  Just relax and chill out until then."  And then it hit me: there are doors in my own life that seem to be closed right now.  No amount of wailing, crying, screaming, or complaining is going to open doors that are not ready or meant to be open.  Not only that, but what purpose is being served by staring at a closed door (or desperately seeking one that is open)?  Would I not be better served by living in the present moment, experiencing whatever is right now, being fully here for this minute, this hour, this day?

The Universe - infinite in Wisdom, by the way - has got it under control.  Doors will be opened at the proper time.  Doors will be closed at the proper time.  It's not my job to worry about which ones are open to me; it's my job to explore those that are, considering whatever they have to offer, while being wholly present and authentic.

Wow.  That is a simple yet powerful call: to live in the moment.  So I'm striving to be present; 100% engaged, right here, right now.  Care to join me?

Love is...

Love is a lot of different things to a lot of different people.  Here are a few things that love is to me.

Love is being aware of someone’s flaws and accepting them just the way they are

Love is gentle encouragement, unwavering support

Love is giving another the freedom to be who they are without judgment

Love is letting someone go so they can find their own way

Love is celebrating happiness and achievement together, as well as commiserating sadness and loss

Love is being there

Love is being honest, even when it’s not easy to do so

Love is a tender kiss on the forehead when you think no one’s watching

Love is extending the benefit of the doubt

Love is allowing another to follow their dreams

Love is freedom from obligation

Love is wanting to, not having to

Love is indisputable commitment, unlimited compassion

Love is a reassuring word, a hug, a gentle squeeze of the hand

Love is sharing an inside joke

Love is finding common ground to bridge your differences

Love is putting another’s needs before your own (without ignoring your own)

Love truly makes the world go ‘round

What does love mean to you?  I'd love to hear some of your thoughts!

If not me, then who?

If I will not go the extra mile, how will I reach my destination?

If I am not willing to forgive and forget, why should anyone else be willing to do so?

If I am not willing to be the bigger person, how can I expect someone else to step up?

If I am not willing to challenge to status quo, how will change occur?

If I am not willing to be vulnerable, how will anyone else open up?

If I am not willing to expect more than mediocrity, who will raise the bar?

If I won’t go out on a limb, why would anyone else want to risk it?

If I am not willing to take a chance, how will I know the difference one person can make?

If I am too afraid to reach out, to say hello, to smile, how will we connect?

If I am not willing to stand up for what I believe in, how will revolution begin?

If I am not willing to take responsibility for myself, how can I expect others to be held accountable for their actions?

If I will not claim my own power, how can I blame another for taking it away?

If not me, then who?

If not you, then who?

"Be the change you want to see in the world." Ghandi

Sowing the Seeds of Love

I was recently having dinner with some of my closest peeps.  Over the course of our discussion, we started to talk badly about some people that we know.  Not people we would have chosen to come into our lives, necessarily, but who are part of our stories nevertheless.  After a few minutes, I suggested that we change the subject to something else, and we moved right along.

On my drive home, it really began to bother me.  If I am truly going to live a life of love, that means extending grace and mercy in unlimited quantities, especially to those that I might think deserve it “least”.  And let’s be honest, these people are no more flawed than me, but perhaps their flaws are just more obvious.  It’s far too easy to pick apart someone who very clearly doesn’t have it all  together.   Our thoughts, our words, our beliefs…we send these out into the world, and they are woven in with your thoughts, words and beliefs, as well as everyone else’s thoughts, words and beliefs, to collectively create the fabric of our world.  Do I really want to add more nastiness, negativity or hate?  Do I want to diminish love, or do I want to increase it??  Of course, I want to do the latter.  But it’s not enough to say I want to do it; I must live it.  So I must consciously watch my words, control my thoughts, and ultimately, guard my heart, because my words are a reflection of my heart.

What’s your heart condition?  Are you building others up or tearing them down?  Are you making the world a brighter, more loving place, or are you contributing to the darkness?

Lord, let me be a beacon of love in this sometimes cold, cruel world.  Let me speak words of encouragement rather than judgment.  Let me spend less time talking about living a life of love, and more time showing love through my actions.