I recently made the decision to find a new home for my Dachshund Toby, who joined my family last September. It was a difficult choice for many reasons. Toby is a wonderful, sweet, loving puppy. He brought many laughs and a lot of joy to my life in our short time together. He is an uncomplicated creature that simply wants to play and cuddle. Everyone that met him fell head over heels for him.
Leaving him yesterday, I could not help but feel as if I were abandoning this puppy, and I found myself assigning many human traits to him. Did he wonder what he had done to make me leave him? Did he think, if only I had been a better boy, if only I hadn’t have had so many accidents on the carpet, maybe she wouldn’t leave me. No, a dog’s mind doesn’t work like that. I recognize that this feeling stems from my own feelings of abandonment by my father as a child.
I also felt selfish and shallow. I’ve never taken pet ownership light-heartedly. I have always felt it is a commitment on my part, and I felt like a horrible person for going back on my unspoken vow. I felt unworthy and ashamed.
In spite of this, I believe that I made the right choice. Though it was certainly made in part for my own convenience, it was also made with the hope and belief that Toby will find the perfect family, one who can provide him with the love and affection that he so craves and deserves. Though I cried all the way home, most of the night, and several times again today, I still believe that I made the right choice.
In the bigger picture of life, I am reminded that we are all faced with moments in life where we have to say goodbye. Sometimes it’s to a friend with whom you no longer share values, sometimes it’s to a lover from whom you’ve grown apart, sometimes it’s from an unhealthy relationship that you will no longer tolerate. And sometimes it’s to an adorable puppy named Toby that stole your heart and refuses to let go. Regardless of the who’s and why’s, it is not easy, but sometimes it is necessary.
Recognizing when a relationship has run its course isn’t easy, either. We may not want to see it, or be ready to see it. Sometimes, we recognize it, but we’re scared to let go. It’s comfortable. It’s what we want. It’s easier to stay in it.
I’m pretty sure that I don’t have all of the answers on this subject, but I have learned how not to end a relationship. Regardless of the circumstances, don’t take action coming from a place of anger or blame. You will inflict unnecessary pain, and likely regret your actions. (Unfortunately, I speak from firsthand experience on this one.) Do be thankful for the good times; focus on what was right and good about the relationship. Let go of bad times and hurt. Keep the love and the laughter. Remember what drew you to that person in the first place, and then make your decisions from a place of love and compassion. Be gentle. Try to think of how you would feel in the other person’s shoes. For them, it may be a complete and unexpected shock. Maintain their dignity, and in turn, you will maintain your own.
There is an expression that some people come into our lives for a reason, others for a season, and some for a lifetime. No matter which, always be thankful for the time you have with each person that comes into your life. Express gratitude for the lessons learned, and the growth you experienced as a result of that relationship.
I’m thankful for the joy and love Toby brought into my home for the past four and a half months. I’m happy when I think of the new family that will have the chance to love and be loved by this sweet little fellow. Goodbye, Toby.
