I Am Santa

All over the world, children - and perhaps a few adults - anxiously awaited Santa's visit this past Friday night.  They dreamt of the perfect present that he would leave under the tree.  Maybe some of us also wished for something else...a Christmas miracle...a restored relationship, financial increase, better health.

It occurred to me that this childlike behavior doesn't always end with childhood.  Oh, we may not call it Santa Claus, but it's still there.  The hope, the wish, the prayer that someone else is going to bring that magical something into our lives.  A new job.  A healthy, fit body.  That perfect Mr./Mrs. Right.  I have bad news, kids: Santa Claus isn't coming.

See, it's much easier for us to assign that responsibility to someone else.  I mean, I'm not actually supposed to work towards these things, am I?  Isn't there some Fairy Godmother coming to my rescue? A Genie in a Bottle to grant me three wishes, so that suddenly, my life will be perfect??  I'm afraid not.

Listen, I'm not throwing stones!  I've been just as guilty as anyone else.  But I finally learned, if I want a better life, I have to work for it.  It's not going to fall in my lap or be left under a shiny tree in the middle of the night. 

If I want a new job, I've got to do the best job I possibly can in my current position, figure out what I'd like to do in the next, and then network like crazy to make it happen.  Is landing the perfect job still out of my control?  Yes, but now I'm taking steps to get closer, to increase the likelihood of finding it.  I'm not waiting for a fantasy recruiter to call me up to offer me my dream job because they heard how great I am.

If I want to enjoy good health and wellness, then I've got to stop eating ice cream for dinner while sitting in front of the boob tube for hours on end.  That's not living.  That's hiding.  Trust me - been there, done that.

Look, I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes, but if it hurts just a little bit to hear this, then maybe you should take a moment to examine your life.  What do you really want?  (Not what do you think other people think you should want!!)  How are you going to get it?  If your life isn't working for you now, then it's time for a change.  Only you can make that decision.  I encourage you to do it today.

When you do, I promise, you won't have to wait for one day a year to experience magic.  You can live it every day.

Day of Reckoning

I admit, the title is a bit melodramatic.  The events of today, while not insignificant in my journey forward, do not qualify as a day of reckoning.  A day of truth, perhaps.  A day of confession.  A day I admitted that I cannot do all, be all or please all.  What was this revelation?  I said no.

I admitted that some obligations I have made are too much for me to handle; that I am no longer the right person for the job.  That was unbelievably tough.  I worried that I may let someone else down.  I worried that I may unintentionally hurt feelings.  But, almost miraculously, I gave myself permission to be truthful anyway.

So far, I've only heard back from one of the two people to whom I made my confession.  And you know what?  They did not crucify or curse me.  They didn't criticize me for my decision.  They thanked me for even trying.  They called me a kind, compassionate person, and said they appreciated my efforts.  Wow, didn't see that one coming.

Their gracious response reaffirms that it's okay to admit that I am not perfect.  I try, and sometimes I fall short.  And the world doesn't come to an end when that happens!  Whew!  What a relief!  And what a valuable lesson for us all.

Ramblings

Today ended up being one of those days where I find myself restless and bored…with everything.  My job isn’t stimulating enough; my life is satisfying enough; my relationships aren’t fulfilling enough…

I don’t know if this is standard fare; a necessary and expected burden of human existence.  I know that it’s a feeling that plagues me on a fairly regular basis.  Does anyone else battle these same feelings?  I question whether it is good – a catalyst to propel me to the next level – or bad – a reminder that I haven’t come as far as I thought I had.  I find myself shunning convention: what’s so great about an 8-to-5 existence?  What if I don’t want to hang stockings or eat ham or do anything else anyone expects me to do? 

It’s not realistic to expect to experience peace 24/7, right?  Is that a limitation I’ve placed on myself?  What does it take, what feats do I have to achieve, what dragons must I slay to experience perpetual peace?

I want to live fearlessly, with abandon…yet I don’t know how.  That’s not true: I do know how.  I can live with abandon if I don’t give in to fear; if I don’t listen to that aggravating little voice saying, “what if…”  Wow.  That sounds so easy.

How do I start?  Do I start by telling Chris that I am in love with him?  Yes, sometimes I am afraid, but I want to love you anyway…

Do I start by refusing to accept average, ho hum, status quo?  By finding my voice and letting it out?!  I don’t have to express to be accepted, to find fame, to be loved, but simply because I have something to say…

Do I start by forging my own path, free from the need to receive the approval of others?  I believe, yes.  But I don’t believe everything you believe.  I don’t think I need someone else to tell me what I believe.  I’m finding my own way, and I like where I’m headed…

I believe that peace is mine.  I feel it now…thank you for returning to me.  Or should I apologize, rather, for turning my back on you?  Life is good.  The universe is an abundant provider to those that seek something more.  I’m seeking more.  And I can’t wait to see what I find.

Peace